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Feedback That Actually Works: Why 80% of Managers Are Doing It Wrong

Right, let me tell you something that'll probably ruffle a few feathers.

After nearly two decades in corporate Melbourne watching middle managers stumble through performance reviews like drunk penguins on ice, I've come to one inescapable conclusion: most of you are absolutely terrible at giving feedback. And I mean proper terrible.

But here's the thing – it's not entirely your fault.

The Feedback Fallacy Most Leaders Believe

See, somewhere along the way, we've been sold this ridiculous notion that feedback should be a formal, sanitised conversation that happens quarterly in a sterile meeting room. What absolute rubbish. The best feedback I've ever given happened over a coffee at a café in South Yarra when I told my team leader she was micromanaging the hell out of everyone.

She didn't take it well initially.

Actually, she went quite red and started that defensive stuttering thing people do when they know you're right but haven't processed it yet. Three months later, she thanked me for being the only person brave enough to tell her what everyone was thinking.

Why Traditional Feedback Training Is Broken

Most workplace training programs focus on the wrong bloody thing entirely. They teach you scripts and formulas and sandwich methods – you know, the whole "say something nice, deliver the criticism, end with something positive" approach that makes feedback feel like a processed meat product.

Real feedback isn't about following a script. It's about genuine human connection.

I learned this the hard way during my early days managing a Brisbane retail team. Followed every textbook approach religiously. Had my little feedback template, scheduled my monthly one-on-ones, used all the corporate buzzwords. Result? My team thought I was a robot, and performance actually got worse.

The breakthrough came when I accidentally gave some of the best feedback of my career. We'd just lost a major client due to a communication breakdown, and I was frustrated. Instead of waiting for the scheduled review, I pulled aside the account manager immediately and said, "Mate, what happened there felt preventable. Walk me through your thinking."

No script. No sandwich method. Just honest curiosity about what went wrong and how we could fix it.

The Three Types of Feedback That Create Real Change

1. The Mirror Feedback

This is where you reflect back what you're observing without judgment. "I've noticed you've been interrupting colleagues in meetings more frequently lately." Not "You're being rude" or "You need to stop interrupting." Just the observable behaviour.

Most people have no idea they're doing certain things. I once worked with a brilliant analyst who had no clue he was dominating every brainstorming session. Once he saw the pattern, he self-corrected immediately.

2. The Impact Feedback

Here's where you explain the ripple effects of their actions. "When you interrupt, I notice team members start holding back their ideas." This isn't about making them feel guilty – it's about showing them consequences they might not see.

Companies like Virgin Australia have built their entire culture around understanding impact. Every employee knows how their role affects the customer experience, and feedback conversations naturally focus on these connections.

3. The Forward-Looking Feedback

This is where you collaborate on solutions rather than dwelling on problems. "What would help you be more aware of when you're interrupting?" or "How could we structure meetings differently to ensure everyone contributes?"

I'm convinced this is where most managers completely bottle it. They think their job is to point out problems and expect people to magically figure out solutions. That's not leadership – that's just lazy.

The Feedback Timing Nobody Talks About

Here's something that drives me mental: managers who save up feedback like they're collecting stamps. They'll sit on observations for weeks, letting resentment build, then dump everything in a quarterly review.

Absolute madness.

The sweet spot for feedback is within 72 hours of the incident. Close enough to be relevant, far enough away that emotions have settled. I've seen too many good relationships destroyed because someone waited three weeks to address something that could have been resolved with a five-minute conversation.

Why Positive Feedback Is More Important Than Criticism

This might be controversial, but I believe the ratio should be roughly 4:1 positive to corrective feedback. Not because people are fragile flowers who can't handle criticism, but because recognition of good behaviour is simply more effective at driving change.

I learned this from watching how emotional intelligence training programs actually work in practice. The most successful participants weren't the ones who received the most criticism – they were the ones who received specific, detailed recognition for their improvements.

But here's the catch: the positive feedback has to be genuine and specific. "Good job" is meaningless. "The way you handled that angry customer by acknowledging their frustration first and then offering three different solutions – that's exactly the approach that builds loyalty" – that's feedback that sticks.

The Questions That Make Feedback Stick

Instead of telling people what they should do differently, try asking these questions:

"What do you think went well there?" "If you had to do it again, what would you change?" "What support would help you handle this differently next time?"

People are surprisingly good at identifying their own areas for improvement when you create the right environment. And when they come up with the solutions themselves, they're infinitely more likely to implement them.

The Feedback Conversation Structure That Actually Works

Forget everything you learned about feedback models. Here's what actually works:

Start with intention: "I want to share some observations to help you succeed."

Share specific examples: "In yesterday's client meeting, when the customer questioned our timeline..."

Ask for their perspective: "How did you experience that moment?"

Explore together: "What options do we have for handling similar situations?"

Commit to support: "What can I do to help you with this?"

Simple. Human. Effective.

When Feedback Goes Wrong

Sometimes feedback conversations derail despite your best intentions. People get defensive, emotional, or shut down completely. When this happens, most managers either power through or give up entirely.

Neither approach works.

The better strategy is to pause and acknowledge what's happening: "I can see this conversation isn't landing the way I intended. Should we take a break and come back to this later?" This isn't weakness – it's emotional intelligence.

I once had a team member storm out of a feedback conversation. My instinct was to call him back and finish the discussion. Instead, I waited two days, then asked if he was ready to try again. He apologised for his reaction, and we had one of the most productive conversations of our working relationship.


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The truth about feedback is this: it's not a management technique – it's a leadership responsibility. Done well, it builds stronger relationships, improves performance, and creates psychological safety. Done poorly, it damages trust and destroys motivation.

After 15 years of getting this wrong more often than I'd like to admit, I've learned that the best feedback feels less like evaluation and more like collaboration. When people leave a feedback conversation feeling understood and supported rather than judged and criticised, that's when real change happens.

And honestly? That's the kind of workplace culture Australia desperately needs more of.